Boys will be Joys

I got a job, y’all!

Okay, that might be a bit misleading. I need to clarify before my coworkers anxiously start looking for my replacement.

I got a job… 5 years ago.

(I quit writing my blog shortly after. So, I feel like I need to fill in the time between then and now.)

When I started this blog about five and a half years ago, I was STRUGGLING. I was trying to find something to occupy my mind that seemed productive and meaningful.

A brief work history:

I started my first real job when I was 16 years old. Before that, I started babysitting when I was 12 years old. Before that, I was folding towels and cleaning at my mom’s salon. So, when I found out we were moving to Texas, I decided to retire from work altogether, and become a stay-at-home mom. It sounded like a dream.

That first year was TOUGH, and I quickly found out that life as a SAHM was not for me. I found myself longing to find a place where I could do something… anything. I truly admire SAHMs, but for me, it was not a good fit.

I would take my kids to school, and then sit and wait. I waited for them to come home, or even just a text about how the day was going. I sat home feeling helpless and somewhat useless. It wasn’t heathly.

So, I started looking for places to volunteer. I tried various places like the church we were attending or the kid’s school.

They didn’t need me.

I contacted the American Cancer Society to volunteer using my skills for women seeking wigs.

They didn’t need me.

I even applied for a job at the UPS store.

They rejected me. (probably because of the stipulation that I could only work 6 hours from 8:30-2:30 – I wouldn’t have hired me either).

Personally, I really had a need to contribute to or accomplish something. Something that was greater than myself. I reached a point that I felt very discouraged. I truly felt like nobody wanted me, and I was not qualified to work or even volunteer anywhere, ever!

Then, one Sunday morning at church, a missions emphasis Sunday, I heard about this free clinic in town. To be completely honest, I didn’t know free clinics really existed. I had been priveleged enough to not know. They needed volunteers (and I needed a place to invest my energy). I wasn’t sure what I was signing up for, but I signed up!!!

A few days later, the director emailed me and asked me to come meet with her. Derek accompanied me on this visit since I was a bit nervous, but when I walked in and met my friend Teresa, I was instantly at ease. She gave me a tour, told me a little more about the ministry, and then she asked, “how would you like to help at the clinic?”

*Disclaimer – I did not wear a clown nose to my first meeting with Teresa. I know you’re probably thinking, “this is why nobody wanted her”. This was just a fun morning we spent together – later – promoting our program.

With all the sincerity I had in my heart, I said, “I’ll help wherever you need me. I’ll clean the toilets if you need me to. Just let me help.” Teresa looked at me and said, “Actually, we’ve got people for that, but I have plenty of other things you can do.”

We were out of town for a short trip the following weekend. While we were away on that trip, I remember telling Derek, “I really feel like this is what God wants me to do, because every other door has been closed. I feel like they really need me, and this is where God wants me.”

I started volunteering as soon as I got back from that trip. After voluneering for two months, they needed a part-time employee. I enthusiastically stepped up.

Since that time, the clinic was gifted to another local nonprofit organization. I’m forever grateful that the new organization let me remain a part of the clinic. They brought me on as part of their staff. In the last four years, my role as part-time Clinic Coordinator has blossomed into full-time Director of Community Impact. (How this is even possible is beyond me – only God could make that happen!)

God is faithful.

I couldn’t trace His hand. It didn’t make sense to me.

I was willing to work for FREE, and still no one wanted me.

Those months of feeling unwanted, unworthy, and unskilled jolted my self-confidence, for sure. Those discouraging months, though, are what got me through the first few terrifying months of trying something new (another blog for another day). I knew that was where I was supposed to be, and I had to stick with it.

So, even though I couldn’t trace His hand, I had to trust His heart.